


I Know My Soul's Freezing, Hell's Hot for Good Reason

by luckycharmdust



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys - My Chemical Romance (Album), The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (Comic)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26034319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luckycharmdust/pseuds/luckycharmdust
Summary: The Kobra Kid isn't afraid of the dark.  He's afraid of what his thoughts will tell him at night.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13





	I Know My Soul's Freezing, Hell's Hot for Good Reason

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for a lot of self-hate, a mental breakdown, and fear of death.

It wasn’t that the dark made things worse. No, Kobra was used to the dark. He grew up in the city where the automatic lights shut off at nine, and he’d spent plenty of nights camped out in the desert under the stars. Kobra didn’t mind the dark. He wasn’t afraid of it.

He was afraid of the loneliness that came with it. Because even though Jet was just across the booth, Kobra couldn’t see them. And Ghoul was uncharacteristically quiet, asleep on top of Poison, whose bright red hair just looked black and white in the dark. Kobra didn’t like the dark because there was nothing to distract him. His thoughts would start to run wild, more often than not.

As a devout believer, Kobra didn’t like to compare his thoughts to the Phoenix Witch, but that how he best knew to describe them. Like when you pass a mailbox and the sun is scorching your back, and voices seem to whisper by your ears but you turn to look and no one is there. You could pass it off as the wind, perhaps, but the sand lays completely still around you, and it doesn’t sound quite like the wind. Sometimes you swear you can hear the voice of the killjoy just dusted on Route Guano, calling for her crew. Or the crash queen whos bike now sits as a mangled mess at the track, soon to be picked apart. You swear these voices belong to souls being carried away by the Phoenix Witch, on their way to whatever hell has the room.

That’s what these thoughts, or voices, in Kobra’s sounded like, vaguely. Like he could push them away if he really tried, but he couldn’t ignore them when the diner was eerily silent and the rest of the crew is asleep. His thoughts would creep into his head and plant themselves there, slowly growing louder and louder. They’d tell him all the things he thought to be true. They’d whisper things that would make Kobra rush to the old out of use bathroom and lock the door so no one would find him. Just like he did tonight.

As Kobra slid to the cold tile floor, he started listening to his thoughts. He believed what they told him.

'You’re the only one in the group who doesn’t contribute anything useful. If you weren’t there, nothing would change.' 

__The silence made the thoughts grow louder in Kobra’s head, just like watering a plant._ _

___'Poison only keeps you around because they have to. You’re just burdening them, and they hate you for it.' ____ _

____Kobra wanted to scream, to scream loud enough that he couldn’t hear his own thoughts, but he didn’t want to wake anyone._ _ _ _

_____'Your records from Battery City will always show you as a girl. You don’t pass as a guy.' ____ _ _ _

______He covered his ears, but it was no use. The voices were inside his head, and they weren’t leaving anytime soon._ _ _ _ _ _

_______'You’re worthless. You’re a failure. You’re a disappointment.' ____ _ _ _ _ _

________Kobra could feel the tears roll down his cheeks, could feel his chest shake with silent sobs that wracked his body. He just wanted it to stop. He just wanted everything to stop._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________'You should be dead.' ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________It was that last thought, echoing over and over, that really scared Kobra. More than the dark ever could. The zones were shrouded in death, and as much as Jet tried to put it into a good light, Kobra was scared. There was a fine line between worlds, one that could be broken with a well-placed raygun blast, with a knife in your back from a friend, with the sharp edge of hunger or sickness that plagued the desert more than drac patrols did. Most killjoys didn’t make it past 25, Kobra knew that. He was only 20 now, but he was scared. Death could be right around the corner._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________So when a sharp knocking on the door broke through his thoughts like a rock shattering glass, Kobra reached for his raygun. He kept it on him at all times in case of a sudden Drac raid or S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W patrol. He had his finger on the trigger when a soft voice called his name._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Kobra? Kobes, you okay in there?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Any other time, Kobra would pull himself together, wipe away his tears and plaster on a fake smile, accompanied by fake assurances that he was okay, he promises. He wouldn’t want anyone to worry, especially not Ghoul. The kid had ears like a fox and was usually the one who found Kobra when something like this was happening. Ghoul seeing someone else breakdown usually set off a reaction of his own, just like the bombs he made, and Kobra couldn’t deal with that. He loved Ghoul, really, but Kobra didn’t want the crew to have to deal with Ghoul’s nonverbal episodes and bad panic attacks._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________This time though, he just didn’t care enough to fake being okay. To pretend that nothing happened. He just sat there feeling empty. Hopelessly empty._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Kobra, open the door, please.” It sounded like Jet, their voice still maintaining its usual calm but getting more frantic and worried. Kobra shook his head vehemently, not caring that Jet couldn’t see him. “I swear to the Witch, Kobra, if you don’t unlock this door I’ll break it down.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Kobra mustered the energy to reach up and turn the lock, then dragged himself away from the door so Jet could open it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________“Oh my god, Kobra,” they whispered as they rushed to my side. Kobra knew how bad it looked, him huddled in the bathroom with tears staining his face. He pulled his legs closer and rocked back and forth. _'It’s over now' _, he wanted to tell Jet. _'You can’t help me. You’re too late.' _______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Kobra, look at me. Come on, please look at me.” Jet cupped Kobra’s face in their hands and the worry in their eyes was so deep Kobra felt like he could drown in it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Jet,” Kobra forced out, and everything came crashing down. He rocked forward into Jet’s arms and held onto their shoulders tight. Jet seemed shocked at first because Kobra usually hated any physical contact whenever he broke down like this, but they hugged him close as Kobra buried his head into their chest. “I’m sorry Jet, but please let me stay like this for just a while longer. Please Jet, don’t leave me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I won’t. Kobra, I’m not going to leave.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________They sat there for a while, Jet stroking Kobra’s head until he calmed down. Jet almost thought that Kobra had fallen asleep until in a small voice he asked, “Why do you stay?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“What do you mean?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Kobra kept his head buried in Jet’s soft shirt so his voice came out a little muffled. “Why are you so nice to me? Why do you all stick around even after I fuck up over and over again?”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“I’m just being a decent person,” they responded after taking a while to think. “You’re family.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Thank you, Jet.” And Jet knew Kobra meant it. He never verbally thanked anyone unless he meant it, usually relying on smiles and nods instead._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________“Let’s get you back to bed, okay? Sun wakes up soon.” Kobra nodded in agreement and let Jet lead him back to their booth, knowing without words that Kobra wanted to spend the rest of the night with them instead of alone._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


End file.
